Alabama Divorce & Family Law Attorney Blog : Birmingham Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Eversole Law Firm : Serving Birmingham, Montgomery, Mobile Alabama

Let’s assume that you’re embroiled in a divorce action with your soon-to-be former spouse, who initiated the case. Whether you live in Montgomery, Dothan, Decatur, or Auburn, or anywhere in Alabama, divorce is an emotional and heart-wrenching process especially when one party doesn’t see it coming. Add children into the equation and you have potential for one of the saddest and demoralizing episodes in your life.

Being a family law and divorce attorney practicing in the Birmingham area, I have represented many clients who found themselves in the throes of a painful divorce proceeding. Part of my job is to try and make the process as easy and straightforward as possible while attempting to provide some comfort and guidance to my clients. In some instances a spouse may be so upset that they literally want to stop the divorce in its tracks.

But is this actually possible or even advisable? It’s easy to say, “I want to stop this here and now.” In reality, it’s a different story entirely here in Alabama. The sad truth is that once one spouse is committed to getting a divorce, there is no way the other party can turn it off. Short of convincing your soon-to-be-former partner to pull the plug, that’s just the way Alabama divorce law is written.

In Alabama, if one of spouse insists on a divorce, that individual is going to get his or her way no matter what. And while you and your attorney can make the divorce process take longer, you can’t stop it. As they say in the halls of divorce court, it may take two to get married, but it only takes one to get divorced.

On the topic of reconciliation, you certainly can appeal to the other party to try and make the marriage work, but most divorce actions are an indication that the marital union is probably broken and no amount of energy is going to fix it.

If you know in your heart of hearts that your marriage was on its last legs when your spouse initiated the divorce, then it may be wise to follow their lead and make the best of a bad situation. This is where a qualified divorce lawyer and family law attorney can really help.

If you insist on making it work, it’s a good idea to bring in a third party who is not emotionally torn between either spouse. Schedule some sessions with a qualified marriage counselor or church pastor. If both parties are committed to making the marriage work, then these professionals can perhaps help you toward making things work better.

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How much information is too much information? Going through a divorce in Alabama can be a difficult journey. Regardless of whether you live in Mobile, Birmingham, Huntsville or any of the hundreds of cities and towns across the state, the subject of divorce or legal separation can be a minefield. Spouses who are splitting up have a hard enough time discussing details with family and friends, but what of the children? How much should you share with them, if anything?

As a Birmingham Divorce Attorney practicing throughout Alabama, I have seen it all when it comes to separation and divorce. I feel the heartbreak and sense the hard feelings that can arise during this kind of life-changing event. But my knowledge and years of experience have given me the tools to help my clients make it through one of the toughest times of their life.

For sure, one of the most difficult aspects of divorce is the effect it can have on children. Divorce can be extremely trying especially where kids are involved. In many instances, my clients confide in me by asking how they should break the news to their children. Quite often, they don’t even know how they should act or behave toward their kids once a divorce has been finalized.

Of course, it can be difficult to take your children’s needs into account during the process of a divorce in Alabama. There are many and varied aspects to the process including Spousal support, division of assets, and guardianship.

If you are considering divorce, or know someone who is going through or contemplating such an action, you may want to keep the following items in mind regarding the younger members of the household. Children need and have the right to the following, especially in times of family upheaval:

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One of the more frequent causes of divorce can usually be summed up in one word: Incompatibility. As a divorce lawyer practicing in the Birmingham area, I can say that many divorces are the result of an unpleasant or contentious marital relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that the divorce process or the court proceedings surrounding it must necessarily be fraught with acrimony and bitterness.

While the primary job of a divorce and family law attorney is to fight for his or her client’s best interests, it is important that a lawyer also be compassionate and provide a buffer between the client and the other party. Nothing is gained by getting angry during a divorce action, so this is always something to keep in mind.

Now the question I will pose here is, can there be any such thing as a  friendly divorce? Fortunately for many people, the answer is yes. Because Alabama is a No-Fault (also known as uncontested) divorce state, regardless of whether you live in large cities such as Birmingham and Montgomery, or any of the other smaller cities and towns throughout Alabama, an individual can usually obtain a divorce without too many legal complications.

There is a caveat here: you and your spouse must agree to the terms of the divorce in an amicable and friendly manner. This is critical as any history of domestic violence in a marital relationship could easily derail a friendly divorce and could even make things worse. Therefore, if there is a history of domestic violence it is highly recommended that you retain professional legal counsel when pursuing a No-Fault divorce in Alabama.

Once you and your spouse realize the marriage is over, and if you can get past that initial shock and anger of realizing there is no going back, then you may have a chance to honestly look at a No-Fault divorce for your situation.

This can only happen if both parties act in a mature and responsible manner. Try to keep things on a friendly basis, because these is no reason for anything hostile or antagonistic to happen during this time. A key here is to avoid resurrecting the reasons why you are getting a divorce in the first place. Keep it civil and your chances of getting through the proceedings will improve dramatically.

Frankly speaking, if your differences are irreconcilable, then these individual reasons will only be impediments to achieving an amicable and “friendly” resolution. Keeping this in mind and seeking the services of a qualified and experienced family law and divorce attorney will help you get through the divorce and on to a new and better life for yourself and your family.

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Here in Alabama, as elsewhere across the country, divorce is a serious step for any married person. From a personal point of view, separation or divorce is a truly emotional event. From a legal standpoint the process of divorce is fairly well defined, although the steps toward the final divorce decree will vary due to individual circumstances.

As a Birmingham divorce lawyer and family law attorney, I tell my clients to try to remain as cool and collected as possible. While emotions can run quite high, this is a legal process and you will benefit from keeping your feelings in check as much as possible as you follow the advice of your attorney. The following is the first of a two-part discussion on the process of divorcing in Alabama.

As previously mentioned, very few divorces follow the exact same steps, but whichever direction your particular situation takes you, it is always wise to seek professional help as early as possible. A qualified divorce attorney can guide you along the way. Other professionals who can be of great assistance in these trying times include therapists and financial advisors.

Your most important resource will be your attorney, which makes choosing one a critical process in itself. First and foremost, you need to learn about your legal rights as they pertain to an Alabama divorce. A lawyer well versed in this state’s divorce and family law is your best choice and he or she will be able to clearly explain the details regarding separation, spousal support and alimony, child custody and visitation, as well as guardianship, child support and future division of assets.

The first step is financial. Here you must gather all of your financial documents. Be sure to make a copy of all paperwork that you have collected and present this information to your attorney. At this point, you will be able to learn what the financial impact of a separation will have on you and your children, if any. It is important to understand that while some couples have the means to physically separate, other unfortunately cannot, which may mean taking up residence in different parts of the same house.

An essential part of the financial evaluation is making the determination of which debts were incurred before the separation, as well as after. This should include any shared bills paid and improvements, if any, made to common property during the separation. You should also use this time to update your insurance coverage if any of those improvements added value to your property.

At this point you should decide whether or not you and your spouse will be filing your taxes jointly, or separately. Next time, I’ll talk about the other steps leading to a divorce or legal separation.
 

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The causes for divorce are many, but one of the primary reasons couples in Alabama get divorced is due to issues surrounding money. Whether it’s poor financial planning, excessive spending by one or both spouses or simply constant disagreement over household financial priorities, money can be the bane of a marital relationship. A surprisingly large percentage of people who become legally separated, as well as those who actually go through divorce, will tell you that money was the culprit.

As a Birmingham family law and divorce attorney, I’ll add that it’s not just money, but the lack of communication about money that trips people up. A good marriage thrives on communication. Lack of communication hardly ever helps a relationship survive and often leads to divorce.

A recent New York Times article addressed this subject. There are several things to keep in mind when approaching the subject of household finances. Whether you’re living together and planning to get married, or married already, these pointers may make the difference in whether or not your future together will be relatively smooth going or rocky from the start.

Money: Topics of Conversation

1. Explore with your partner each other’s background as it applies to financial education. Did your parents teach you about money and personal finances? And what is your “financial philosophy”?
2. Talk about credit. Does each person know his or her credit score? Be honest about why your score may be low or how it could be improved. How can your credit scores and credit history affect your future as a married couple? Will they affect your goals?
3. Discuss who will take the lead in handling the family finances. Who handles it now? And who will decide how much each person can spend in order to maintain a positive cash flow for the family?
4. Talk about where you want to be financially in five years. Where do you want to be in 10 or 20 years? And what are your individual goals for retirement?

Marital Finances: For Richer, For Poorer
It’s hard to get through modern life these days without money, but when two people commit legally to each other, as with a marriage, each other’s finances become tied together, legally. A couple looking toward marriage should consider how the future combining of that pool of savings, income and finances will affect their life together. It can make for a smooth transition to a happy and growing marital relationship.

As a divorce lawyer in Alabama, I’ve seen the result of poor financial planning and bad money management and how these can negatively impact a marriage. Love may be the reason you got together, but money can be your undoing. My advice is to be open and talk about each other’s wants and needs. You may find that it’s liberating and takes the guesswork out of planning for your happy future together.

Money Talks to Have Before Marriage, NYTimes.com, October 23, 2009

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With an apparent trend lower in the divorce rate across the country and likely in Alabama as well, many couples might feel that cohabitation is a viable alternative to marriage. As a Birmingham family law and divorce attorney, I know the pitfalls of this kind of approach to a long-term relationship. When it comes to separation and divorce, one or both of the parties in a live-in relationship may think they are avoiding the complications associated with a traditional marriage, but you might be surprised to know that this may not be the case here in Alabama.

Certainly, it seems that on the surface cohabitation free one party from any legal responsibility to the other in cases where the relationship doesn’t work out and the two people part ways. However, Alabama is one of the few states that still recognizes common law marriage, which is defined roughly as a union between two people not formalized in the customary manner as prescribed by law but created by an agreement to marry followed by cohabitation.

Furthermore, cohabitating couples in Alabama may be shocked to learn that they could already be married in the eyes of the law, and with that, be affected by the same laws that pertain to other, legally married couples in terms of divorce, spousal and child support, division of property and other aspects of a divorce. Even if divorce is not the issue, there are other aspects that may be of particular importance to one or the other party, such as property ownership, rights of survivorship, spousal benefits, and other marital amenities.

Although common law marriage is prohibited in most parts of the United States, the Full Faith and Credit Clause of the U.S. Constitution requires all states that prohibit it to nonetheless recognize a common law marriage created in a jurisdiction that allows it, such as Alabama. In fact, the laws in all states require a common-law spouse to obtain a divorce before remarrying.

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Divorce strikes every socio-economic group, every religion and every race. Here in Alabama, be it Birmingham, Montgomery, Huntsville or Mobile, and thoughout this great country of ours, legal separation and divorce also plagues our military personnel. Serving the United States of America is one of the greatest honors an American can experience, but being a part of our armed forces also requires great sacrifice. Tours of duty in faraway and often hostile lands put great strains on married couples and the families of these dedicated soldiers.

As a compassionate Birmingham family law and divorce attorney, I’ve seen the heartache of divorce firsthand. No one wants to go there, but as hard as it is to hear, divorce remains a fact of life for many of our service men and woman. Every branch of the U.S. Military has its share of sad stories of families torn apart. My job, as an Alabama divorce lawyer is to make certain that the process is as simple and pain free as possible, while keeping my client’s best interests at heart.

An important point to remember, as a member of the military seeking a divorce, is not to use the same attorneys that assisted your civilian friends or relatives. This is because military personnel and their spouses are subject to a special set of laws that don't apply to ordinary divorces. Furthermore, military divorces are complicated by the physical distances between the parties, especially if one or both spouses are on active duty and stationed overseas or in another state.

For these reasons alone military people need a divorce attorney with special expertise in the state and federal laws that apply to military divorce. My office offers assistance to military personnel in Alabama from all branches of the service, as well as their spouses. This includes divorces between couples who live permanently in Alabama and those stationed in Alabama, as well as representation of people who can't be physically present in Alabama.

Occasionally, these individuals have special circumstances, due to their military service. One of the unusual aspects of military divorce is that these families tend to move frequently and may have a choice of states in which to file -- this allows them and their attorneys to choose the state whose laws best fit their situation. This can make a huge difference in the outcome of a divorce settlement.

From the complications of serving a spouse with divorce papers, to determining support, alimony and property division, choosing the proper divorce lawyer for your personal situation is critical. This is why I always tell fiends and family who have loved ones serving in the U.S. Military to be mindful when contemplating divorce or separation. Your future happiness and welfare could be on the line.

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While it is never an easy decision, there are many good reasons for getting a divorce in Alabama. Whether you reside in Montgomery, Huntsville, Mobile or any one of the dozens of small towns throughout our state, financial matters and basic incompatibility are common complaints leading to separation and divorce. But as a Birmingham family law and divorce lawyer, I can easily say that domestic abuse, either between the two marriage partners or between one of the parents and the children, is by far the most serious reasons behind any divorce action.

Child abuse is particularly awful. In Alabama, physical abuse as it pertains to children can mean several things. Per Alabama Code 26-14-1(1)-(3), physical harm or threatened harm to the health or welfare of a child can be through:

1. Non-accidental physical injury
2. Sexual abuse or attempted sexual abuse
3. Sexual exploitation or attempted sexual exploitation

The state statutes also provide for emotional abuse, which is defined by Alabama state law as being non-accidental mental injury.

Similarly neglect, according to the state of Alabama, is defined as the negligent treatment or maltreatment of a child, including the failure to provide adequate food, clothing, shelter, medical treatment, or supervision. It is important to mention that Alabama provides an exception to the area of neglect in Alabama Code 26-14-7.2, which states that a parent who fails to provide medical treatment to a child due to the legitimate practice of religious beliefs shall not be considered negligent for that reason alone. This exception shall not preclude a court from ordering that medical services be provided to the child.

Finally, sexual abuse is one of the most egregious offenses that a spouse can perpetrate on another family member, especially a child within the family circle. In Alabama, child sexual abuse includes the flowing:

1. The employment, use, persuasion, inducement, enticement, or coercion of any child to engage in any sexually explicit conduct, or
2. Having a child assist any other person to engage in any sexually explicit conduct
3. Any simulation of the conduct for the purpose of producing any visual depiction of the conduct
4. The rape, molestation, prostitution, or other form of sexual exploitation of children
5.  Incest with children

In general, sexual exploitation is defined as allowing, permitting, or encouraging a child to engage in prostitution; allowing, permitting, encouraging, or engaging in the obscene or pornographic photographing, filming, or depicting of a child for commercial purposes.

No matter what your situation -- separation, contested divorce, mediated divorce, etc. -- choosing a qualified family law and divorce lawyer is the first step to a better life for you and your children. Don’t settle for just good enough when it comes to your future happiness and security. Do your homework and choose your divorce attorney wisely. For more information on child welfare issues, visit the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services' child welfare website.

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Divorce. It can be messy. It’s never easy. And many folks have been there. One thing I can tell you without hesitation, as an experienced Alabama divorce lawyer, you sometimes have to make a compromise to get the best outcome. Working out of Birmingham, AL, I’ve represented numerous spouses seeking separation or divorce. An uncontested divorce is not uncommong, but many divorces are fraught with challenges from both sides. Many of my past clients believed that mediation was out of the question, mainly because they were totally in the right and there “less-than-better-half” was completely in the wrong.

One thing you must consider when contemplating this kind of all-or-nothing approach is that the court may not agree with you. But listening to your divorce attorney is the best thing you can do. I and other family law attorneys across the state of Alabama know how divorce court functions. Whether you’re here in Birmingham, or out in Tuscaloosa, in and around Bessemer, or over by Gadsden, you’ll hear similar advice. Knowing when to compromise, versus taking your divorce to trial, is critical to a successful and satisfying outcome.

A family law attorney can guide you through a divorce with better judgment than if you drive the bus yourself. Without compromise, you will likely have to take your divorce case to trial, which in itself can be a difficult decision for any husband or wife. At the same time, by going to trial you are taking your chances not only with the outcome, but also with the cost -- in terms of time and money -- of extended litigation.

I’ll be the first to acknowledge that no person involved in a divorce wants to consent to an agreement that does not fully protect his or her property rights, future financial security or the custody of the children, if any. But naturally, if you do to go to trial with your divorce case, you will definitely benefit from an experienced and dedicated attorney by your side who will passionately advocate for the protection of your rights and seek the best possible results on your behalf.

So if you’re contemplating divorce, please consider the realities of your situation and try to put your emotions on the back burner. A little anger is healthy, but too much can cloud your thinking and cause you to make choices that you may regret later on. Pay attention to what your lawyer has to say. His or her opinion can be more valuable than you might imagine.
 

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