Posted on February 19, 2010 by Steve Eversole

Birmingham Divorce Lawyer: Common Errors Women Should Avoid when Going Through Divorce in Alabama -- Part 3

To finish up my final installment of things married women in Alabama should keep in mind as they approach divorce or legal separation, I’m including a few additional points to consider in this time of emotional and financial upheaval. It makes no difference whether you live in Tuscaloosa, Birmingham, or Huntsville, the situation remains the same. Divorce is a sad fact for many women and going into it with yours eyes wide open is the best strategy for getting through with the least amount of surprises.

The decisions you make during a divorce proceeding can affect you and your kids for many years to come. The old adage, “Ignorance is Bliss,” is not the phrase you want to stand by in this case. Doing lots of research and finding an experienced divorce and family law attorney to be by your side is the best plan of action for any woman facing marital strife and ultimately, divorce.

As a Birmingham divorce attorney, my clients come first. Because my job is to help them throughout the divorce process, I also try to be there for emotional and moral support. The following are some final points to keep in mind when preparing to follow through with a divorce, or when you’re just doing some investigation for the future.

6) Hard as it may be, you must face your worst economic fears. We’ve all seen the ubiquitous “bag lady” and wondered how she arrived at that station in life. Similarly, it’s not surprising that many women experience the fear that they, too, will be left to fend for themselves, homeless on the street.

Suddenly being thrust into the position of being the sole breadwinner for your family can be a frightening prospect. Being primarily accountable for all aspects of your children’s lives going forward is a big responsibility, but don’t think you’re the only person ever to face the unknowns of post-divorce life.

Your income may come up short and the bills in the mail can seem relentless, but be assured that thousands of women every year make to this point and beyond. Just look around. You probably know more than a few divorced ladies who have faced the same challenges and still made a better life for themselves and their kids. Many became strong for the experience through the entire process.

7) Never assume that your so-called ‘permanent’ alimony will always be around. It’s fairly common for women who have been married for some time and also out of the job market to receive permanent alimony. Especially if your soon-to-former spouse was a good wage earner, you will likely be awarded this by the court.

However, circumstances change. If your ex comes down with a serious illness, loses his job or gets a demotion, he is entitled to seek a reduction (or worse) termination of his monthly obligation to you. A more common situation is that the wife is awarded support for a finite period with the option of extending support in the future. In the worst of cases, the court may decide that you have the abilities and health to pursue gainful employment yourself -- if your marriage was relatively short, you may get nothing at all.

The bottom line is you must be prepared to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. They say that God helps those who help themselves and it is those with foresight who look to the future by pursuing further education and learning new skills. By taking the initiative early on, you will make yourself less vulnerable economically if and when that alimony runs out.

8) Finally, have faith in your own abilities and desire to make a better future. Believing in yourself goes a long way toward making good things happen. Don’t be so concerned about finding Mr. Right the second time around. If it happens, it happens. But until it does, concentrate on Number One. Taking control of your life as you open this newest chapter will make all the difference.

You may discover skills or talents that you never knew you had. You might find that you have abilities that were dormant during your married life, which could truly open the door to a better future. Have faith and be strong. Write your own success story and remember: Living well and being happy can sometimes be the best revenge.
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Posted on February 12, 2010 by Steve Eversole

Birmingham Divorce Lawyer: Common Errors Women Should Avoid when Going Through Divorce in Alabama -- Part 2

Previously, I touched on a couple points to remember when approaching divorce. Whether you live in Mobile, Dothan, Tuscaloosa of Huntsville, every woman going though or contemplating a divorce in Alabama should recognize some of the more common traps that people fall into during this emotionally draining time.

As a Birmingham divorce attorney, I always try to help my clients with all aspects of the divorce process. Whether you are just now thinking about becoming legally separated or already going through a divorce, you should always approach the process with a clear mind.

The following are some additional points to keep in mind when making the transition to being single again. Naturally, you should retain the services of an experienced divorce lawyer to make certain that you have covered all the areas that pertain to your circumstances.

3)  Learn early on the details of custody in Alabama. Sadly for many women going through divorce today, gone are the days of courts automatically handing over custody to the children’s mother. While preference has tended to go to the mother in the past, this is no longer the case when determining a sole or primary custodian for the kids of divorced parents.

Since there exist multiple options and variations on both custody and parenting provisions, you should perform at least as much research on child custody as you probably did when it came to your pregnancy or schooling your children. The more you know going into the divorce process, the better prepared you will be when the time comes to arguing for custody of your kids.

4)  Don’t always assume you absolutely must keep the house. This is one of the key mistakes that many women make when faced with divorce. And it’s not surprising since our homes often symbolize security and stability for the children. But temper this urge until you can truly assess the impact of keeping the house. Many times the costs can be much too high for a single parent.

Maybe you feel you can swing it, but also consider current market conditions and the state of the economy from a jobs perspective. Could you sell the house quickly and at the price you want if you lost you job? Renting has become a better option for some people ever since the economy got rough.

Do some number crunching with the help of a financial or legal advisor to determine all of the pros and cons of holding onto a home as a single parent. If you do decide to sell the house while the two of you are still married, or as part of a settlement, you can share the fix-up costs, carrying costs, brokerage fees and any capital gains tax with your spouse, rather than being solely responsible for them.

5)  Don’t underestimate your retirement assets. If you are still in your prime earning years, or even if you are middle-aged and still very productive, it may be difficult to fully appreciate the benefits and importance of tax-deferred assets in IRA, 401(k) or pension accounts. And although it may be tempting to take “offsetting” cash or the house or even the family car now, while putting off worrying about tomorrow for later, the tax implications could set you back further than you may know.

A financial advisor can help you to carefully analyze long-term needs versus cash-in-hand options. Again, being prepared ahead of time will save you a great deal of grief after the divorce is final. Use the internet and other specialized services to help you make the right financial decisions the first time because you usually cannot go back once you take monies out of a tax-deferred account, for instance.
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Posted on February 5, 2010 by Steve Eversole

Birmingham Divorce Lawyer: Common Errors Women Should Avoid when Going Through Divorce in Alabama -- Part 1

Whether you live in Bessemer, Homewood, Huntsville or Gadsden, Alabama, any woman considering divorce should be aware of the many pitfalls out there. As a Birmingham family law and divorce attorney, my job is to help guide my clients through what can be a very emotional and taxing time. Legal separation or divorce should always be approached with a eyes wide open, which is why I suggest a few things to avoid during this critical period.

While not an exhaustive list by any means, the following are some important points that every woman should keep in mind. As always, you should consult with an Alabama divorce lawyer to be sure all aspects of you’re individual circumstances are fully addressed. In coming weeks I’ll discuss a few more points.

1)
You must face the actual realities of a divorce. Since one partner or the other spouse is usually further along the emotional road to divorce, the one who is leaving the relationship may already be gone emotionally. This means that the other partner is typically expected to catch up with this early end to their marital dream while at the same time trying to get a hold of their emotional and financial future. Many times this is too much to absorb in a short time, but ignoring reality can be rather costly.

If the husband is the one leaving the relationship, the woman is more often left to address the pain of emotional betrayal while their soon-to-be-former marital partner is busy addressing what many see as the next level of betrayal that of the family finances. The answer here is to find a competent therapist or a reliable shoulder on which to cry. Do your best to “compartmentalize” as much of the emotional aspect of your pain in order to act quickly and deliberately to protect your assets.

2)
Understand that you may, in fact, be sleeping with the enemy. When we marry our future spouse, we tend to transfer all of our trust to that person -- the one we fell in love with. In most marriages, one spouse typically handles the finances while the other handles day-to-day household operations, such as feeding the kids and taking them to soccer practice and dance recitals.

For some women, it may be difficult to face up to the fact that their husband will not be taking care of all those things he previously handled for the family. Promises of trying to work things out or the feeling that if the two of you just sat down with a third party things would get better are falsely comforting and get in the way of actual planning needed to transition to being single again.

The reality is that you and your spouse take on adversarial roles where what used to be common and shared interests in things such as assets and living expenses. Because you need to be fully aware of your entire financial picture, one solution would be to assume the best, but prepare for the worst.

In this case it is important to find a qualified divorce lawyer to whom you can put some, but not all of your reliance. While you can listen to what may or may not be a fair and equitable proposition for settlement from your spouse, always consult with your attorney before making any ultimate commitments.
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Posted on January 29, 2010 by Steve Eversole

Alabama Divorce News: Elizabeth and John Edwards Separate following Affair and Child with Rielle Hunter

By now most everyone in Alabama, from Montgomery County to Mobile and all around the state, has heard the news of Elizabeth and John Edwards’ separation following the husband's not-so-secret affair that destroyed the couple’s marriage of 32 years. Elizabeth Edwards announced that she is separated from the former presidential hopeful and plans to move on with her life by putting such a difficult and hurtful event behind her. Can divorce be far behind for these two?

As a Birmingham divorce lawyer and family law attorney, this kind of scenario plays out across Alabama every year, so it’s no surprise that even the rich and famous get caught in the infidelity game more often than not. As for Edwards, her story is doubly sad due to her previous diagnosis of stage four breast cancer. Whatever the circumstances, the cheating spouse usually makes a mistake along the way that exposes him or her to the light of day.

On more than one occasion, I myself have been asked by potential clients what they should do if and when they suspect their spouse is cheating. There are a couple things that someone can do when contemplating a divorce of a spouse who might be having an affair on the side.

For starters, one must definitely think about retaining a private investigator to do some research into suspicious activities. In Alabama, having proof that a spouse has been cheating may have a direct affect on the property settlement in a divorce case. Fault grounds can also affect the amount of alimony the court grants to the injured party.

Furthermore, depending on whether the couple has children who were affected by the offending spouse’s conduct, this too may influence the court’s determination when it comes to custody of the kids.

A second and equally important step would be to have yourself tested for any sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). While this can be a difficult thing to face, it is very important for your own well-being and peace of mind. The sooner you find out if you have contracted an STD, the sooner you can be treated if necessary.

If you have been diagnosed with an STD, this can also significantly affect the direction fo the divorce proceedings and may be the basis of additional legal claims against the offending spouse. An experienced divorce and family law attorney is invaluable in any legal separation or divorce action and will be able to advise you on this and other issues connected with your case.


How He Got Caught, Slate.com, January 29, 2010


 

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Posted on January 15, 2010 by Steve Eversole

Birmingham Family Law Update: Understanding No-fault Divorce in Alabama

Last week I discussed an approach to achieving a mutual divorce settlement vis-à-vis No-fault divorce. As a Birmingham divorce attorney who has represented dozens of individuals going through what must be one of the most difficult times in any married person’s life, I can say that cooperation is one of the best ways to make a divorce proceeding go smoothly.

Frankly, in Alabama or anywhere else for that matter, separation and divorce can be life-altering events that tear at the hearts and emotions of the spouses affected, not to mention their families and even friends. Maintaining a cool approach, as hard as it may be, is one of the best things you can do for yourself at this difficult time.

Previously, I talked about how to make the process work. Here, I’m going to review the “mechanics” of a No-fault divorce here in Alabama. Before I start, I’ll remind folks again that it is essential for both parties to avoid any hostile or accusatorial tone if they wish the divorce process to go smoothly. Stay calm and you will have a much better opportunity to settle your differences and move on with your separate lives.

As for the legal grounds for an Alabama No-fault divorce includes the following:

  1. An incompatibility of temperament that results in the two parties’ inability to live together
  2. An irreversible and permanent breakdown of the marital union, which makes any attempts at reconciliation either impractical, futile, or not in the best interests of the two spouses or the family in general
  3. The voluntary abandonment by one of the spouses from bed and board for one year preceding the filing of the divorce complaint

To initiate a No-fault divorce in Alabama, one of the above reasons must be specified on a state document (Complaint for Divorce) and filed with the court. Following this, and having agreed to avoid personal attacks and accusations, the two parties should be ready and willing to accept the legal reasons for a No-fault divorce. Now it is time to meet with your individual attorneys to discuss the details of the marriage dissolution.

After accepting the reasons for the divorce, both spouses should be prepared to discuss three specific areas that must be addressed and agreed to before the dissolution of the marriage. These areas include the following:

 

Each of these areas include complicated and very serious topics, so it is a smart move to approach each of them separately and resolve one before addressing the next. Meeting each other halfway can go a long way toward speeding along the No-fault divorce process and getting on with your life.

Once a friendly agreement is arrived at for the above three areas, the balance of a No-Fault divorce includes putting the information you accumulated on various state documents including the initial divorce complaint, then signing the documents and filing them with your particular Court of Jurisdiction.

Alabama has a waiting period of 60 days from the date of signed Decree of Divorce before either spouse can remarry within the state. However, there is no waiting period for an out-of-state marriage.
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Posted on January 8, 2010 by Steve Eversole

Birmingham Divorce Update: Is There Such a Thing as a Pleasant Alabama Divorce?

One of the more frequent causes of divorce can usually be summed up in one word: Incompatibility. As a divorce lawyer practicing in the Birmingham area, I can say that many divorces are the result of an unpleasant or contentious marital relationship. However, this doesn’t mean that the divorce process or the court proceedings surrounding it must necessarily be fraught with acrimony and bitterness.

While the primary job of a divorce and family law attorney is to fight for his or her client’s best interests, it is important that a lawyer also be compassionate and provide a buffer between the client and the other party. Nothing is gained by getting angry during a divorce action, so this is always something to keep in mind.

Now the question I will pose here is, can there be any such thing as a  friendly divorce? Fortunately for many people, the answer is yes. Because Alabama is a No-Fault (also known as uncontested) divorce state, regardless of whether you live in large cities such as Birmingham and Montgomery, or any of the other smaller cities and towns throughout Alabama, an individual can usually obtain a divorce without too many legal complications.

There is a caveat here: you and your spouse must agree to the terms of the divorce in an amicable and friendly manner. This is critical as any history of domestic violence in a marital relationship could easily derail a friendly divorce and could even make things worse. Therefore, if there is a history of domestic violence it is highly recommended that you retain professional legal counsel when pursuing a No-Fault divorce in Alabama.

Once you and your spouse realize the marriage is over, and if you can get past that initial shock and anger of realizing there is no going back, then you may have a chance to honestly look at a No-Fault divorce for your situation.

This can only happen if both parties act in a mature and responsible manner. Try to keep things on a friendly basis, because these is no reason for anything hostile or antagonistic to happen during this time. A key here is to avoid resurrecting the reasons why you are getting a divorce in the first place. Keep it civil and your chances of getting through the proceedings will improve dramatically.

Frankly speaking, if your differences are irreconcilable, then these individual reasons will only be impediments to achieving an amicable and “friendly” resolution. Keeping this in mind and seeking the services of a qualified and experienced family law and divorce attorney will help you get through the divorce and on to a new and better life for yourself and your family.

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