Birmingham Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Eversole Law Firm : Serving Birmingham, Montgomery, Mobile Alabama

An recently published author argues that divorce can be liberating to some children.  Max Sindell, author of The Bright Side: Surviving Your Parent's Divorce believes that divorce can be a good thing for children.  In fact, as a child of divorce himself, he says, "it was one of the best things that ever happened to me."  Max's book spawned a website: Survivingyourparentsdivorce.com.  Max's parents divorce when he was six years old and his book offers some insights into a child's vision of divorce.  His book opens with a Divorced Kid's Bill of Rights:

• The Right to Be Safe and Feel Safe
• The Right to Awareness
• The Right to Counseling
• The Right to be Heard
• The Right to be Your Own Person
• The Right to be Neutral
• The Right to Private Communication

I applaud Max for trying to help children facing a tough time in their lives.  Even if true, and a child does benefit in some circumstances from their parents divorce, it is a fact that children will face some difficult times during their parents divorce.  Max's attempts to alleviate some apprehension in children is admirable.  He also does an excellent job of getting parents to see the divorce through their children's eyes.

As my readers know, I would never counsel someone to stay together for their kids.  It only ends up making everyone unhappy.  However, divorce can be handled in ways to minimize its effects on children, but this is only possible if both parents truly desire to do so. 

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During a divorce, parents often feel they are victimizing their children by going separate ways.  Remember that you chose to get a divorce because you believe it is the best move to preserve your emotional welfare, as well as that of your kids.  You have weighed the pros and cons of your decision and you should make sure the goal of providing the very best environment for your kids remains your focus.  You are dealing with uncomfortable emotions right now, but don't lose faith in your ability to be the best parent a child can have. You have decided to be strong for them, so don't drop the ball on a few critical components of healthy living.  You can do this! 

At a time when your self confidence may be taking a major hit, invest yourself in maintaining the structure your kids currently have at home.  Kids tend to be unnerved by dramatic changes in their daily schedules.  Though you will be dealing with custody issues, and your children will be acclimating to the concept of having two homes, maintaining stability in your child's life is still possible.  Stability for your children begins with their schedule and their environment.  Children need to be able to predict when, and where they will be going, and what they will be doing. Don't abandon bed time routines, sit down dinners, after school activities, homework rules, etc.  These routines provide consistency for children, which is comforting.

Consider posting your child's schedule on the refrigerator so that he/she can take ownership of daily activities.  For young children, it may help to take photos of the various environments and people they will be visiting during the day so it is easily understood.  This can be a project you do together, and it's fun!!  Don't necessarily become obsessed with sticking to a regimen, just understand the value of consistency and stability.

Even if you have a shared custody situation, you are essentially a single parent during the times your kids are with you.  It's not uncommon to find it rather difficult to keep the house orderly, backpacks organized, etc.  Remember that you are not Superman, and you shouldn't feel poorly about yourself for having difficulty with some of these issues.  Consider hiring someone to clean your house or cut your grass.  It will probably be the best money you spend on yourself each month, and will probably significantly reduce your stress.  Purchase some baskets and bins to sort toys, clothes, and other items.  Your children will take pride in helping you, and will be excited about their newly navigable rooms.  And finally, remember that with change, comes new opportunities.  Keep your chin up and stand behind your own decisions.  Your strength will wear off on your children. 

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Not surprisingly, a divorce has significant consequences for children.  This site is devoted to helping parents deal with the ramifications of divorce.  It is not an option to, "stay together for the kids."  This kind of thinking only ends up hurting your children in the long run.  But we can do everything in our power to lessen the traumatic impact a divorce has on our kids.  Although many children go through their parents divorce with relatively few negative or permanent side effects, a divorce can be devastating for some children.  The changes in living arrangements, less time with one parent, etc, can be a harsh experience for some.  Based upon my experience, the best thing a parent can do to limit the negative impact a divorce has on their children is to act civilly towards your ex.  Some good rules of thumb are as follows:

• Do not argue in front of your kids in person or on the phone
• Actively pursue an amicable relationship with your ex
• Try not to bad mouth your ex in front of the kids
• Find support for you and your children
• Try to maintain your child's regular routine

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A great resource for parents going through a divorce, Breakthrough Parenting offers some interesting insights into better parenting.  They offer help for divorcing parents and offer classes in becoming a certified parenting coach.  In today's world, we cannot do everything alone.  This website gives parents some much needed advice. Dealing with your children who often do not understand the situation is very hard.  While we cannot eliminate these kind of stresses, my firm tries to limit them.  We are here to help you through this very difficult time.  I want my office to be more than just a law firm.  When you retain my firm we are here through thick and thin, to the very end, and we are on call 24/7.

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Sometimes divorce is a necessary means to achieving a happier life.  While we provide services that enable you to start a new life, we also try to acclimate you and your children to these changes. My practice attempts to minimize the impact a divorce has on you, and your children. You can find valuable resources about dealing with your children at childrenanddivorce.com that may aid your child during a divorce.

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