Alabama Divorce & Family Law Attorney Blog : Birmingham Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Eversole Law Firm : Serving Birmingham, Montgomery, Mobile Alabama

Let’s assume that you’re embroiled in a divorce action with your soon-to-be former spouse, who initiated the case. Whether you live in Montgomery, Dothan, Decatur, or Auburn, or anywhere in Alabama, divorce is an emotional and heart-wrenching process especially when one party doesn’t see it coming. Add children into the equation and you have potential for one of the saddest and demoralizing episodes in your life.

Being a family law and divorce attorney practicing in the Birmingham area, I have represented many clients who found themselves in the throes of a painful divorce proceeding. Part of my job is to try and make the process as easy and straightforward as possible while attempting to provide some comfort and guidance to my clients. In some instances a spouse may be so upset that they literally want to stop the divorce in its tracks.

But is this actually possible or even advisable? It’s easy to say, “I want to stop this here and now.” In reality, it’s a different story entirely here in Alabama. The sad truth is that once one spouse is committed to getting a divorce, there is no way the other party can turn it off. Short of convincing your soon-to-be-former partner to pull the plug, that’s just the way Alabama divorce law is written.

In Alabama, if one of spouse insists on a divorce, that individual is going to get his or her way no matter what. And while you and your attorney can make the divorce process take longer, you can’t stop it. As they say in the halls of divorce court, it may take two to get married, but it only takes one to get divorced.

On the topic of reconciliation, you certainly can appeal to the other party to try and make the marriage work, but most divorce actions are an indication that the marital union is probably broken and no amount of energy is going to fix it.

If you know in your heart of hearts that your marriage was on its last legs when your spouse initiated the divorce, then it may be wise to follow their lead and make the best of a bad situation. This is where a qualified divorce lawyer and family law attorney can really help.

If you insist on making it work, it’s a good idea to bring in a third party who is not emotionally torn between either spouse. Schedule some sessions with a qualified marriage counselor or church pastor. If both parties are committed to making the marriage work, then these professionals can perhaps help you toward making things work better.

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How much information is too much information? Going through a divorce in Alabama can be a difficult journey. Regardless of whether you live in Mobile, Birmingham, Huntsville or any of the hundreds of cities and towns across the state, the subject of divorce or legal separation can be a minefield. Spouses who are splitting up have a hard enough time discussing details with family and friends, but what of the children? How much should you share with them, if anything?

As a Birmingham Divorce Attorney practicing throughout Alabama, I have seen it all when it comes to separation and divorce. I feel the heartbreak and sense the hard feelings that can arise during this kind of life-changing event. But my knowledge and years of experience have given me the tools to help my clients make it through one of the toughest times of their life.

For sure, one of the most difficult aspects of divorce is the effect it can have on children. Divorce can be extremely trying especially where kids are involved. In many instances, my clients confide in me by asking how they should break the news to their children. Quite often, they don’t even know how they should act or behave toward their kids once a divorce has been finalized.

Of course, it can be difficult to take your children’s needs into account during the process of a divorce in Alabama. There are many and varied aspects to the process including Spousal support, division of assets, and guardianship.

If you are considering divorce, or know someone who is going through or contemplating such an action, you may want to keep the following items in mind regarding the younger members of the household. Children need and have the right to the following, especially in times of family upheaval:

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As a Birmingham Divorce Attorney, I have seen the good and the bad when it comes to divorce in Alabama. I know the heartbreak and hard feelings that can arise during life-changing events such as separation and divorce. My knowledge and experience give me the tools to help clients through those roughest of times.

One thing that makes my job both difficult and rewarding is the children. Divorce is very trying especially when kids are involved, and I’ve had many clients confide in me that they didn’t know how to break the news to their children, or even how to behave toward their kids once all was said and done. But youngsters are resilient, and if anything, parents must remember that children, as members of the family, have rights and deserve your respect.

It is sometimes hard to take into account a child’s needs amidst all the other aspects of a divorce, such as division of assets, spousal support and guardianship. Therefore, if you are considering divorce, or know someone who is going through or contemplating such an action, you may want to keep the following list in mind regarding the younger members of the household. Kids need and have the right to the following, especially in times of family upheaval:

• Being free of the conflict between the parents
• Developing and maintaining an independent relationship with each parent
• Being free from having to take over the parental responsibility for making custody and/or visitation decisions
• Being free from having to take sides with, defend, or lessen the value of either parent
• Being guided, taught, supervised, disciplined and nurtured by each parent, without interference from the other parent
• Being financially supported by both parents, regardless of how much time is spent with each parent
• Spending time with each parent, regardless of whether or not financial support is given
• Having a personal sleeping area and space for possessions in each parent’s home
• Being physically safe and adequately supervised when in the care of each parent
• Having a stable, consistent and responsible child care arrangement when not supervised by the parents
• Developing and maintaining meaningful relationships with other significant adults, as long as these relationships do not interfere with or replace the children’s primary relationship with their parents
• Expecting that both parents will follow through with the child care plan, honoring specific commitments for scheduled time with the children
• Expecting that both parents stay informed about medical, dental, educational and legal matters concerning the children, unless such disclosure would prove harmful to the children
• Expecting that their parents will consider any special needs (developmental, mental, emotional or physical) they might have when arranging a child care plan
• Participating in age-appropriate activities so long as these activities do not significantly impair their relationship with either parent

Should you need professional legal advice on divorce, child custody or any other area of family law, we at Eversole Law are ready, willing and able to help. We have the expertise and compassion to guide you through this difficult time.

 

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Please check out my firm's website.  My Alabama Divorce Law firm focuses our practice on divorce, child custody, child visitation, alimony and support, property division, asset protection, family law and more.  We cross the state of Alabama and regularly handle divorce and family law cases in Birmingham, Mountain Brook, Vestavia Hills, Hoover, Pelham, Leeds, Moody, Pell City, Trussville, Huntsville, Montgomery, Mobile, Tuscaloosa, Fultondale, Irondale, Homewood; and in counties like Jefferson County, St. Clair County, Madison County, Tuscaloosa County, Shelby County, Mobile County, Walker County, Jackson County, Marshall County, Limestone County, Chilton County, Bibb County, Talladega County, Montgomery County, Etowah County, Mobile County, Cullman County, Baldwin County, Winston County, Dekalb County and Cherokee County, etc. 

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During a divorce, parents often feel they are victimizing their children by going separate ways.  Remember that you chose to get a divorce because you believe it is the best move to preserve your emotional welfare, as well as that of your kids.  You have weighed the pros and cons of your decision and you should make sure the goal of providing the very best environment for your kids remains your focus.  You are dealing with uncomfortable emotions right now, but don't lose faith in your ability to be the best parent a child can have. You have decided to be strong for them, so don't drop the ball on a few critical components of healthy living.  You can do this! 

At a time when your self confidence may be taking a major hit, invest yourself in maintaining the structure your kids currently have at home.  Kids tend to be unnerved by dramatic changes in their daily schedules.  Though you will be dealing with custody issues, and your children will be acclimating to the concept of having two homes, maintaining stability in your child's life is still possible.  Stability for your children begins with their schedule and their environment.  Children need to be able to predict when, and where they will be going, and what they will be doing. Don't abandon bed time routines, sit down dinners, after school activities, homework rules, etc.  These routines provide consistency for children, which is comforting.

Consider posting your child's schedule on the refrigerator so that he/she can take ownership of daily activities.  For young children, it may help to take photos of the various environments and people they will be visiting during the day so it is easily understood.  This can be a project you do together, and it's fun!!  Don't necessarily become obsessed with sticking to a regimen, just understand the value of consistency and stability.

Even if you have a shared custody situation, you are essentially a single parent during the times your kids are with you.  It's not uncommon to find it rather difficult to keep the house orderly, backpacks organized, etc.  Remember that you are not Superman, and you shouldn't feel poorly about yourself for having difficulty with some of these issues.  Consider hiring someone to clean your house or cut your grass.  It will probably be the best money you spend on yourself each month, and will probably significantly reduce your stress.  Purchase some baskets and bins to sort toys, clothes, and other items.  Your children will take pride in helping you, and will be excited about their newly navigable rooms.  And finally, remember that with change, comes new opportunities.  Keep your chin up and stand behind your own decisions.  Your strength will wear off on your children. 

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Not surprisingly, a divorce has significant consequences for children.  This site is devoted to helping parents deal with the ramifications of divorce.  It is not an option to, "stay together for the kids."  This kind of thinking only ends up hurting your children in the long run.  But we can do everything in our power to lessen the traumatic impact a divorce has on our kids.  Although many children go through their parents divorce with relatively few negative or permanent side effects, a divorce can be devastating for some children.  The changes in living arrangements, less time with one parent, etc, can be a harsh experience for some.  Based upon my experience, the best thing a parent can do to limit the negative impact a divorce has on their children is to act civilly towards your ex.  Some good rules of thumb are as follows:

• Do not argue in front of your kids in person or on the phone
• Actively pursue an amicable relationship with your ex
• Try not to bad mouth your ex in front of the kids
• Find support for you and your children
• Try to maintain your child's regular routine

 

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Sometimes divorce is a necessary means to achieving a happier life.  While we provide services that enable you to start a new life, we also try to acclimate you and your children to these changes. My practice attempts to minimize the impact a divorce has on you, and your children. You can find valuable resources about dealing with your children at childrenanddivorce.com that may aid your child during a divorce.

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It seems that every year more and more parents ask me for advice regarding how to address the issue of divorce with their children.  Several factors must be considered, including the child's age, functional ability, personal strengths and weaknesses.  The first year after divorce is the most difficult because a great deal of what was once considered, "normal life" is changing for your children.  It is stressful on parents, but the negative effects on children can be buffered with smart parenting.  Get with your spouse and set some basic ground rules.   Rule number one,  Never argue with, or degrade your ex in front of the kids.  The best protection that you can provide for your child during your divorce is your own personal love and attention, combined with smart parenting tactics that have your child's social/emotional health at the forefront.  Two great articles addressing divorce with children www.nasponline.org/resources/parenting/divorce_ho.aspx , and divorce in blended families http://apahelpcenter.org/articles/article.php?id=41 , are recommended readings. 

Books for kids: 

"Was It the Chocolate Pudding?" A Story for Little Kids About Divorce by Sandra Levins (ages 2-6)

"I Don't Want to Talk About It":  A Story About Divorce for Young Children by Jeanie Franz Ransom

Ginny Morris and Mom's House, Dad's House by Mary Collins Gallagher

My Parents are Divorced Too:  A Book for Kids by Kids, Second Edition Melanie, Annie & Steven Ford as told to Jan Blackstone Ford

"What Can I Do?"  A Book for Children of Divorce by Danielle Lowry

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